So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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