Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
