Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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