The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
