Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize