that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
