We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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