hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
