I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
