she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
