you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
