And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
