you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
