Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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