omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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