Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize