You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
