Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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