Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize