know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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