I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im six kinds of drunk right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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