You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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