wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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