Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize