Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize