I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sext me about skeletons
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
