Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
