omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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