ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
