My Higher Power is John Stamos
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
