Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
