I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
