Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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