Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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