Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
