Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
