i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
