i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
