girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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