god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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