Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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