Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your penis caused this!
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