he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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