Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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