I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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