What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
