I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
