fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
