walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
