I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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