Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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