it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
