So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
