I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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