Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
