my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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