The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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