When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
