I wanna bring you to show and tell
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
they need to just BURY HIM!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
