How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
