There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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