I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
