It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
