I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
