So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I could fuck to npr.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
